Writing entries in here (and on cursed FOD) make me feel better, but my mom doesn't understand and is constantly pestering me about getting my homework done. It makes me want to cry. It is like she will never let go and will never be satisfied. She puts a lot of stress into my life, then I try to do things like this to relax, she gets concerned that I am not being productive, and puts stress into my life again. It is a never-ending cycle. If she just left me alone, I think things would be better. I mean they certainly wouldn't be worse and she wouldn't be bugging me all the time. At one of my psychologist appointments, we talked about how maybe it would be better if she didn't always interfere with my acedemic exploits. She made an effort for about a month, but then told me that she couldn't just sit by and let me fail my classes etc., etc.... So it goes.

Anyway, she left to take my dad to his class, so I'll do my Crime and Punishment paper while I still have the peace of an empty house. Bye.

posted by Colleen at 5:53 PM

Man...I am not tired. But I should probably go to bed. Maybe I'll start reading 1984 again. Oh shite...I still have to do that whole Crime and Punishment assignment. I'll do it tomorrow. Laterz 1337 haxorz.

posted by Colleen at 10:29 PM

Mjother fsucker. I hate open diary. I can't post anything.

So...I got to sleep in for my AP Stats test today. It was nice and now I want to stay up late. It has been a while since I've gone over to Pookie's house...or hung out with those people at all. But I don't feel the same with them anymore. I mean I do with Stephinann, but she is obsessed with drugs and Shorty's okay but he's always at Christina's house with Bridget or with them and Stephinann...etc. And I don't feel like I can really have a conversation with Ben. I guess I never could, but now there is really nothing to talk about.

I'm glad I have Kimee and Becca and Amanda and Chelsea and them and all the girl scouts. I wish Margo were still here. Things would be a lot better if she were, I think, but I've finally "gotten my groove back" - whatever that means.

So in my last entry (which was a heck of a long time ago) I mentioned Travis. Well I saw him last week. Monday I think it was. All the "rebelloius" kids from my junior high (Jason Baker, Joe Virgillio, etc.) were standing on the sidewalk smoking. I had parked on the street because I was late (which has happened a lot recently), so I had to walk past them to get to my car. I normally would have been terrified at having to walk by them, but I felt strangely calm. I even smiled to myself because the whole scene was like some stereotypical "juvenile deliquent" thing with them standing outside of school smoking. Anyway, my point is, as I walked past, Travis said, "Hi Colleen."

And I, in my stupidity, said, "Hi.......Oh! Hi Travis!" As if I hadn't noticed it was him or something. It was a natural reaction though, for some reason. Whatever. But it was cool that he said hi because I haven't seen him in a while. I grew up with all those kids. It's pretty weird. Jason and Joe and Travis and Ethan Rivera are the only people who I still ever think about from way back in elementary school. I miss them. So it goes.

Well, prom is coming up. I'm really glad Kimee's going because I'd go crazy from discomfort if she weren't there. It's hard to explain, so I'm not going to try. I guess I'll do something else now. I don't have much else to say. Peace outside, muthasucka!

posted by Colleen at 10:16 PM