What the heck. I have been getting about three hours of good sleep for the past week. I have a homework packet due that I promised Mr. Rightmer I'd turn in tomorrow. It's not done. I can't do it now. I'm going to go sit on the balcony for a while I guess. Maybe I can forget school and everything else. Good night.

posted by Colleen at 11:03 PM

Well, people get over things and move on. They always do, but while the thing is happening, I feel so bad. Because they have a hard time dealing with it. Sorry I'm talking in such coded language. Sometimes it is easier not to make things so obvious.

Anyway, I often feel conflicted when it comes to religion. I believe in God and Jesus and whatnot, but to what extent I agree with things in the bible and organized religion and stuff, I'm not sure of. I hate how people feel that they can talk to you about their athiest and agnostic beliefs, but they feel uncomfortable when I try to talk about Christianity.

Things were going well tonight. There was a lunar eclipse, I went to small group and felt good about myself, but then I see these random things and feel like I just want to drop out of society. Like I could just totally forget everything in my life and stay at home, or go to new places, meet new people, etc. I mean, the only person I really enjoy being around is Kimee. I feel really bad about that. I have obligations to these other people. They have been so nice to me in the past or they like being my friend or whatever, and I can't just drop them. I guess I don't really want to, but they are killing me. One day I am just going to tell all of them the truth. I think they're annoying, I can't stand being around them, I wish we had never met, I'm tired of their falsities, I don't like being pushed into the middle of dramatic situations, they make stupid decisions, they will never amount to anything significant, they lead pathetic lives, they are selfish, they are narrow-minded, they dwell too much on things they cannot change, and I feel nauseus whenever I think of them.

Well, I feel a bit better already. It is often not necessary to act on things when you can express your feelings in a way that will not hurt anyone. But sometimes I feel like I can't take anymore and the only way to get past it is to tell people how I feel. I rarely do this, but I have come close. Especially with Erik. I would like to be really mean to him, offend him, and tell him how much I despise him. Maybe on the last day of school or something. Whatever.

Joy of joys. Ben has sent me an instant message. Excuse me, but I must supress my negative feelings so I can be a proper member of society. Goodbye.

posted by Colleen at 10:38 PM